Rediscovering old dreams

I'm not very good at being an unemployed stay-at-home mom in a small town. I could feel the restlessness before the end of last year. So I decided one of my new year's goals was to "rediscover old dreams and perhaps create new ones" in an effort to rediscover how I fit in this new setting.

Now, it's a little odd to consider my "dreams" of the past because, frankly, I didn't really have any. When I wrote about my life goals in my journal as a youth, I mostly talked about who I wanted to be personally and how I wanted to interact with others. I wanted people to want to be around me. I wanted to inspire others. I wanted for others to be comfortable around me, probably because I was often very uncomfortable in my own skin as a youth.

On a different note while analyzing my dreams, I decided to consider my loves and what I was passionate about when I was younger. I have always loved music, specifically singing. I remember the first summer vocal workshop I took when I was in junior high. It was life altering. I discovered a new sense of ability, confidence, stimulation and peace all at once. As soon as the option opened in high school, I started taking voice lessons. I have a very vivid memory shortly after that when I was talking to my Grandma. She was a very practical person, and I know I have inherited some of that practicality. When she learned I was taking voice lessons, she scoffed at me and said, "Why would you do that? Do you want to be an opera singer?" I said no, because I honestly had no desire to be an opera singer--that seemed terribly impractical. I wasn't taking voice lessons for some future goal but because I loved it. However, her attitude stung me and shaped the way I approached some major choices in my life moving forward. I never even considered pursuing performance outside of a school hobby, or even anything music related (except at one point music therapy, which I considered in a different category).

Anyway, there has been a lot of inspiring and soul-searching moments in my life since then, and one of the conclusions I've come to is the way I am most adept at fulfilling my dream of inspiring people is through music and performance. So here I am, rediscovering this dream. I auditioned for Shrek the Musical at the local community theater and I was cast as Fiona.

Analyzing a character in a script and trying to make their words and motivations mine helped me be more in touch with my real emotions. I needed the reminder that I'm allowed to feel. Sometimes I think I turn off my emotions out of practicality and it makes me a rather dull, uninspiring person.

I love theater. I had forgotten how much I loved it. I was heavily involved in theater all through my pre-college school years, but there didn't seem to be a place for it beyond that. I'm glad I'm discovering a way for it to fit in my life again.

Classic princess spin, right?

I love this part. Fiona sings so high the bird explodes. Whoops.

One of the most delightful and surprising discoveries I made in this process was how much I love people. When you're thrown into a cast that practices three hours a day, five days a week for 8 or 9 weeks, there's a distinct camaraderie that develops. I fell in love with each member of the cast and I looked forward to spending time with them each day. When there were two days in between our performance weekends where we didn't see each other, I missed them! We had so much fun backstage and in the spotlight. It was really a magical experience.

Fiona's a tap dancing maniac :) This was totally my favorite scene.

I remember watching old movies with my mom occasionally. I would watch Fred and Ginger and wanted to be a ballroom dancer. I watched An American in Paris and wanted to move with such grace and style. I watched Singing in the Rain and wanted to tap dance. Well, I suppose this is another dream fulfilled, then. I learned how to tap dance just enough to make it look like I knew what I was doing. I love dancing. I would love to learn how to do it better. This tap-dancing rat scene just whetted my appetite.

Hooray for kick lines!

Fiona has some mad air guitar skills. And donkey's pretty good at beatboxing.

These are just a handful of the professional photos that were taken at one of our dress rehearsals. If you are interested in seeing more you can check them out here. I'm ordering the CD with all of them. I'm excited.

In 2013 I will rediscover old dreams and perhaps create new ones. Check.... and hopefully more to come.