Heavy Thoughts

If you haven't noticed, I haven't felt much like blogging lately. For the past few months I've been feeling a little apocalyptical. It may be because of the current economical situation, or the expressions of hate in the media, or the fact that our political system is in chaos with no possible way of simplifying... or a combination of all of that and more. I'm not looking forward to November's elections or the media war that bathes every American in its political bloodshed. I'm skeptical that our economy is in "recovery" when my neighbors are still losing their jobs and my company is on the brink of failure.

In my mind, without even consciously planning, I've been preparing myself for worst case scenarios. Suppose our foreign oil suppliers decide to stop their shipments. Suppose there is massive revolt against the federal government and each city or state fends for themselves. Suppose there's a revolution. Suppose there's massive electronic warfare that extinguishes power sources. Suppose the dollar fails completely and all economic commerce as we know it ceases. What would I do in these situations?

In all honesty, I feel like I'd be able to survive. I know how to plant a garden and store food. I'm learning how to grind my own wheat and make bread from scratch. I've even had experience taking care of chickens! I feel like I'm handy with resources I have access to.

One thing that's often left out of doomsday scenarios is the emotional turmoil. Based on current conditions and biblical/religious predictions we know that human trials, pain and suffering will increase. This I don't think I'm ready for.

Lately I feel like there's been a rash of divorce among people I know. The most recent was my next-door neighbors growing up. They are amazing people whom I love and respect and they'd been married for 30 years! Every time I hear about a divorce I feel like someone has died. It's so heartbreaking to me, I'm dysfunctional for at least a day after learning the news.

Another prevalent pain is all the hate expressed about the gay rights movement from both sides. I have friends on both sides and I feel the pain for both sides. In spite of whatever opinion you may hold, there is no need for all the hate.

The political hate is just as unbearable to me. I feel sad for those who harbor so much aggression towards so many. Their hate inevitably includes people who never wronged them or don't hold the opinion that is assumed on them.

There is a painful lack of understanding in the world at large. There is so much selfishness, so much apathy, so much darkness and hate. And it all breaks my heart.

One of the attributes I'm constantly trying to include in my life is charity. Not just the "generous actions or donations to aid the poor, ill, or helpless" as states the first definition in the dictionary. Rather, the kind of charity I'm working on was stated by President Monson: "Tonight, however, I have in mind the charity that manifests itself when we are tolerant of others and lenient toward their actions, the kind of charity that forgives, the kind of charity that is patient.

"I have in mind the charity that impels us to be sympathetic, compassionate, and merciful, not only in times of sickness and affliction and distress but also in times of weakness or error on the part of others.

"There is a serious need for the charity that gives attention to those who are unnoticed, hope to those who are discouraged, aid to those who are afflicted. True charity is love in action. The need for charity is everywhere."

I want to be like that. I read recently a statement that said, "We cannot really feel charity--Christ's love for others--without at least tasting His suffering for others, because the love and the suffering are but two sides of a single reality." Maybe in my attempts to have charity for others, I'm also feeling their acute pain and suffering. I hope when it comes down to it, and more of my friends and family have hard times and sad times, I will be able to be on their side, always. I will be able to be that "love in action."